


Let Me Be the One

by Deansimpallagrl, WuvWinchesterHugs



Series: Because You Let Me Pick the Music [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Engagement, Episode: s08e14 Trial and Error, M/M, Self-Sacrificing Dean Winchester, Trials of Hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-13 22:14:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14757276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deansimpallagrl/pseuds/Deansimpallagrl, https://archiveofourown.org/users/WuvWinchesterHugs/pseuds/WuvWinchesterHugs
Summary: “Well, I think once we find it, I'll just gank the smoky mutt, get completely grossed out, read a little enochian then we're done. Plenty of time to check in somewhere and get the bodily fluids off me.”





	Let Me Be the One

Dean hums some Metallica as he cooks burgers for Sam and himself. Dean doesn't even bother denying it; he's nesting, and nesting hard, ever since they first moved into the bunker. But he can't help if he's just so damn happy; now that they're engaged, he's really trying to start up a more domestic routine for the both of them. He puts the finishing touches on the burgers and proudly serves one to Sam in the Library.

“Wow, Dean, you made these?” Sam raises his eyebrows, closing his eyes as he enjoys the yummy smell coming from his plate.

“I’m nesting. Sue me. You’re my fiance, we’re starting a life together here, and this is just a small taste of what I have planned to show you how much I love being with you. Even if it means we're a little more domestic.” Dean beams as he watches Sam’s face. He'd never admit this, even on his death bed, but this is important to Dean. He's dying to get it right with Sam, and figures the basics of home making is a good place to start.

Dean watches Sam take a huge bite and moan from the flavors exploding on his tongue.

“See? I can cook. The kitchen’s so nice, even if it's more of a military pantry. We can even squeeze in some salads just for you, Veggie Boy.” Dean teases as he starts to take a big bite, when his phone buzzes, causing Dean to curse under his breath as he puts down the burger to pull out his phone. Always when he's eating. Sam starts eating in a Dean-like fashion in anticipation of the case that has to be heading their way.

“Hey Kevin, what’s up?” Dean grins, thinking of Kevin finally giving them the lucky break they've been waiting for, and putting them on the right track.

“Kevin?” Sam mumbles around a bite, excited to hear from their prophet friend. He sees Dean’s face change and stand up, ready to run.

“Gotta go. Kevin’s got something.” Dean frowns, but grabs his burger on the way out, Sam trotting behind him, munching on his own burger.

 

They were right; Kevin finally worked out the first trial. They need to find a hellhound to gut, and bathe in it’s fluids, which sounds completely disgusting. Kevin gives them the enochian incantation that must be recited after the trial is done. A quick look at Kevin shows how sick the tireless translating has made him, so they decide put off going to complete the trial for a moment to help get him some provisions, clean him up and feed him properly under their care. 

After they leave, they go about completing the first trial right away, doing a little digging around for someone who might be getting a hellhound visit soon. After much research, they quite literally finally find a gold mine; a family ranch that found oil where there wasn't any. They got rich 10 years ago to the day, so there's little question of them heading down there to track down a hellhound. The trip isn’t long at all, but they can't help but worry about how they're hoping to pull this off.

“Dean, how is this going to work?” Sam still isn’t sure who is going to start OR complete these trials, so he decides wait and see how Dean feels.

“Well, I think once we find it, I gank the smoky mutt, get completely grossed out, read a little enochian then we're done. Plenty of time to check in somewhere and get the disgusting guts off me.” Dean grins at the thought of finally being able to cut open the chest of one of the things that did the same exact thing to him. “Maybe we can even have some nasty shower sex if you promise to be good.” Dean waggles his eyebrows.

But Sam is clearly in no mood for jokes, not with this important task staring them in the face. “Dean...once we get there, I want it to be me. I mean, think about it. What if you have flashbacks right when you're about to go in for the kill?” Sam winces at the images flashing through his head, of one ripping Dean apart all those years ago.

“Oh believe me, I’m so not scared; if anything I’m pissed. I hope it’s the same bitch that got me all those years ago.” Dean’s face is showing anger but he can't shake off the fear in his heart. Dean had hoped he’d never have to be near one of those damned things again, but this was the way to get rid of demons once and for all, and that was more important than any squeamishness he could still be harboring. Dean's gonna try and be brave, but he’s not entirely sure how well that's gonna pan out.

“Alright, tough guy, fine. We'll just wait and see. I was just thinking since you’re always protecting me, this time around it could be me.” Sam knows that Dean is internally rolling his eyes but he's grateful Dean manages to keep it to a frown.

“Fine, we’ll wait and see. But don’t you dare go thinking I’m just going to sit by while you do all the heavy lifting.” Dean is scared out of his mind at the thought of losing Sam the same way Sam lost him, so he knows when the time comes, no matter what bitch fit Sam throws, Dean will do what he has to do to keep Sam safe.

Tracking down the family member that sold their soul is, naturally, a pain in the ass. Two family members get ripped apart before they finally decide to lock down the rest and try to get a confession. Lots of cursing and arguing later they aren't any closer to finding the person who sold their soul. After a tip from Kevin about how to see a hellhound, Dean comes up with a plan.

“Look Dean, be reasonable. You can’t just go after that thing by yourself. The family is on lockdown, we’ll do it together.” Sam can’t believe, after the engagement and lovey dovey talk Dean willingly partook in, he's just going to walk away from him, towards his possible death.

“Sammy, you really need to understand something, alright? I know you see a light at the end of this ugly ass tunnel, but I don’t. My perfect ending here is you living happily ever after in a world rid of demons.” Dean’s heart shatters at the thought of not having the love of his life for as long as he was hoping, but he can't think about that right now. He needs Sam to understand, all of it, even if he doesn't want to.

“Dean, you told me you love me. How can you say yes to marrying me and then turn right around and sacrifice yourself with no thought to how it could affect me?” Sam refuses to let this go. He just can’t let go of Dean, not here, not ever.

“Sammy, I'm doing this FOR you. If I don’t do this, and let you go to start these trials, I could lose you. I regret all the years I never told you how much I loved you. The greatest gift I have ever received is you, the day you were born. I am completely blown away by how much you love me. I never expected to find love. It seemed like a joke, considering the life we live where losing friends and family is the norm. I never expected you to propose. It's so humbling that you love me that much and want to be together forever. I want that too, believe me, but we have been up against this stuff before and we know how it ends. It has been so hard without you. When I was in Purgatory, I honestly didn't know if I would ever see you again, and that hurt so, so much.” Dean’s eyes are shiny with tears as he confesses. He's breaking inside, and he can’t let Sam do this, can't risk losing him. Dean sees the pain on Sam’s face at the mention of that horrible time in their lives.

“No, stop. I’m not trying to hurt you. That's not why I'm bringing it up. I just want you to remember how you were able to go on without me. I know it hurts but it can happen; it WILL happen. You might even find love again. But until then, I want to make every moment count with each other through this, and live as much of our lives together as possible. Even if we have to elope just to get started. I made a commitment to you and I intend to keep it. It may not be for as long as either of us was hoping for, but we will be together. There are no real words to describe how deep my feelings go for you, Sammy, but I have to do this. If you try to stop me, I'll put a bullet in your damn leg.” Dean straightens his shoulders, a serious look in his eyes as turns around and walks away, pain and determination adorning his features 

“Dean, no. Please.” Sam tries to reach out, but Dean is already stalking off in search of the hellhound. Sam watches him go as a few tears finally fall. Dean doesn’t have a clue that while Sam may have lived without him, it wasn’t really living. When he'd said he wanted to get out of the life, he meant he wanted it with Dean too, not just him. He can't let Dean go on this suicide mission; he needs to find a way for them both to survive this, even if it means doing something crazy. He’s NOT losing Dean again. Not now, not ever.

 

Sam's keeping an eye on both the the family and the grounds when he hears a noise, and has to chase down a family member trying to run. He knows they're scared, but he doesn’t have time to sugar coat it and ease them into this situation. As he finally reaches the woman, Sam sees the hellhound running towards the barn, but suddenly, it disappears. He secures the family back inside, with strict instructions not to try and leave again, starts to go after the hellhound. He hears noises from the barn, and comes in to see Dean lose both his glasses and the knife. Sam immediately goes from scared to white hot rage in two seconds flat. Nothing is taking Dean from him, not when they're this close to their happy ending. Sam slides next to Dean, grabbing the knife, and as the hellhound jumps on him he grabs it by the throat and jams the knife deep in its belly, the hellhound screaming in rage as he drags the knife through the beast’s skin, cutting it wide open and its entrails spilling all over him. He feels triumph at saving Dean, but then sadness slowly sinks in as he sees Dean's face contort into a mask of pain. He was hurt, but he also witnessed Sam complete the trial. Sam gets up, moving over to Dean and getting him up, taking him to the foreman’s room to get him patched up. As he touches Dean’s skin, he calms slightly, now that he knows it's not a bad wound. Sam decides on what to say as he finishes the quick patch job. Dean looks so sad from what he'd just witnessed, and Sam knows he needs to explain.

“Dean, I know you’re mad it wasn’t you, but you need to listen to me. You are a complete and utter idiot. I didn't ask you to marry me just so I could watch you leave me alone again. I asked you because you are my soulmate, my other half. We are one and the same when we're together, and we both know we can’t really live without the other. Never have. 

I know you think I lived when you were gone, but you weren't there. It wasn’t living at all. I breathed, I worked, but my heart wasn't in it. I was just existing. Yes, I met someone, but she was just as messed up as me. She ached for her husband the same way I ached for you. It was nowhere near the profound pain I felt when I lost you, but she understood in her own way. I know you don’t see a light at the end, but I do. 

We will get through this like we do everything else, by working together. You thought you could avoid domestic life with me that easily? Well that's too damn bad. I’m not giving up on us no matter what the universe decides to throw at us, even if that's you. I'm gonna do these trials, live, and then we're getting married in the biggest,most outlandish way possible.” Sam pulls Dean to him by grabbing the amulet. They kiss with all the passion they can muster at the moment. It's so beautifully painful to witness. When they part, Sam lightly smacks Dean across the face. At Dean's shocked look, Sam says, “That's for suggesting we elope. And you'll get a lot worse than that if you try suggesting that again. Now can you please trust me to do this? This is part of what marriage is, Dean. I believe in you, always have. So please, believe in me now.” Dean lets out a sigh, then smacks the paper with the incantation on it into Sam's hand. Sam, with a smile, recites the words, and the trial is complete. When the pain spreads up his arm as well as causes his arm to start to glow, he’s still smiling, because he knows he will do anything to be with Dean. This is his destiny, one he refuses to veer away from.

They pack up their gear and leave the ranch, after making sure the family knows better than to say anything. In the Impala on the way back to the bunker, they both get lost in thought. It was an eye opener for the both of them, the thought they actually might be able to have domestic happiness, even with all the crazy end-of-the-world crap.

Dean still feels he needs to save Sam, same as he always has, because he knows in his heart nothing good ever comes without a price. He’s afraid the price they'll pay will be too high. He knows if push comes to shove, he will save Sam. Even if it means letting demons walk free. He's fighting a war with himself and has no clue how to handle this impossible situation.

Sam meanwhile is worried, knowing Dean will go along with him until there is a crossroads. There may come a time that Dean will be forced to choose between doing the right thing and being with Sam. He knows Dean loves him and that he really wants to stay with Sam. Sam already knows that Dean will make that decision without discussion. Sam will just have to be vigilant and watch Dean for the signs. He refuses to let Dean derail this in the name of saving Sam. The problem is that in all likelihood, he won't be there for the moment it happens. Sam's going to have to find a way to get Dean to a place where their love means more than anything else. Sex and food are always good ways of doing that, but he needs new and interesting ways to entice him. Sam grins to himself at the thought of combining food and sex and watching Dean’s head explode. As the miles fly by, Sam is well on his way to plotting a homecoming that he knows Dean will not be forgetting in this lifetime.


End file.
